Chapter 13: Waking in the Night

Tonight's Lesson

As you settle into your chair tonight, notice the soft light around you. Last evening we talked about the hours around our practice: softer light after sunset, putting screens away a little earlier, being careful with caffeine, a cool, dark and quiet bedroom, and getting up at the same time each morning, even after a poor night. At the end of that lesson I said that we would look next at something many beginners ask about: what to do when you wake in the middle of the night.

Tonight is about those quiet, dark hours between going to sleep and getting up. Many people believe that good sleep means falling asleep and knowing nothing more until the morning. When they wake at night, they worry that something is wrong, and the worry itself makes it harder to sleep again. So the first part of tonight's lesson explains why waking briefly is a normal part of sleep. The second part gives you simple, calm steps for the times when sleep does not come back straight away, including what to do if you have been awake for a long time.

Then we will do our usual thirty-minute evening practice together, from arriving to closing. After that, in the fifth section of tonight's lesson, I will describe a short night version of only a few minutes, which you can do in your chair in dim light if you get up in the night. The breath, the body scan and the gentle movements you have learned over the past evenings are all useful at night, too.

Why We Wake in the Night

As we learned in our second lesson, sleep is not one long, even state. Through the night we pass through a cycle of sleep stages that lasts roughly 90 minutes and repeats several times a night, though it varies from person to person and from night to night. In each cycle, sleep becomes deeper and then lighter again. In the deepest stages the body is very still and it is hard to wake, while the lighter stages, including the one in which most vivid dreams happen, are closer to waking.

At the end of a cycle, when sleep is light, it is very common to wake for a moment. You may turn over, pull up the blanket, notice a sound and then drift off again. Most of these short wakings are so brief that we do not remember them in the morning. In other words, everyone wakes in the night; what differs is whether we notice it. A good night is not a night with no waking at all. It is a night in which we wake briefly and return to sleep without much trouble.

Sleep also tends to change over the course of the night. The early part of the night usually holds more of the deepest sleep, and the later hours hold more of the lighter stages. That is why many people find that they wake more easily in the second half of the night or in the early morning. As people grow older, sleep often becomes lighter in general, and waking in the night may happen more often. This is a common change, and it does not by itself mean that sleep is poor.

Some reasons for waking come from around us or from the body: a noise outside, a partner moving, a room that is too warm, light from a window, needing the toilet, a sore shoulder, or a meal or a drink late in the evening. Some of these you can change, and we spoke about several of them in our last lesson. A cool, dark, quiet room, drinking water earlier in the evening rather than a large glass just before bed, and a comfortable position for the body can all make the night calmer. Other reasons cannot be changed, and that is fine. Our aim tonight is not to stop every waking, but to meet each one calmly.

There is one more reason, and it is the one that matters most for tonight. When we wake and start to think, "Oh no, I am awake again, I will be so tired tomorrow," the body moves from its resting mode toward its busy mode. You may remember this from our second lesson: when we feel worried or under pressure, the heart beats a little faster and the breath becomes quicker and higher in the chest. So the way we respond to waking can matter more than the waking itself. A calm response keeps the body in its resting mode, and that leaves the way back to sleep open.

When Sleep Does Not Return

So what can we do when we wake and sleep does not come back straight away? The first step is to leave the clock alone. A common question is, "But how will I know how long I have been awake?" The honest answer is that you do not need to know. Looking at the clock starts calculations in the mind: how many hours are left, how tired you will be, what you must do tomorrow. These thoughts wake the busy mode. If a clock faces your bed, turn it away, and place your phone face down and out of reach before you go to sleep.

The second step is to let the breath slow down, just as we practise every evening. Stay lying in the position that is comfortable for you. Breathe in gently through the nose for a count of four, and breathe out slowly for a count of six, or a little less if that is too long. Let the belly and the ribs move softly under the blanket. If counting feels like work in the middle of the night, simply let each breath out be a little slower and longer than the breath in. You are not trying to force yourself to sleep. You are giving the body the message that it is safe and that it can rest.

The third step is a short body scan, the practice you learned in our tenth lesson. Lying still, bring your attention to your feet and notice how they feel: warm or cool, heavy or light, touching the blanket. Then move slowly to the lower legs, the knees, the thighs, the hips, the belly and chest, the hands and arms, the shoulders, the neck, the face and the top of the head. Spend a few breaths in each place. If you find tension, you can let it soften on a breath out, or simply notice it and move on. Many people drift back to sleep before the scan reaches the head, and that is a good way for it to end.

Even with calm breathing, there will be nights when you lie awake for what feels like a long time and start to feel restless or frustrated. On those nights, it can help to get up for a little while instead of struggling in bed. The idea is simple: the bed should be linked in the mind with sleep, not with tossing and turning. Get up slowly, go to your chair in dim light, and do a few minutes of slow breathing and quiet movement. When you feel sleepy again, when the eyes grow heavy or you start to yawn, return to bed. Getting up is not a failure; it is a kind way to begin again.

A few things help to keep this time calm. Keep the light low: a small lamp with a warm, soft light is better than a bright ceiling light, and screens are best left off, because their light and their contents tend to wake us further. Keep a warm layer near your chair, such as a cardigan or a blanket, so that you do not get cold. This is not a time for work, housework or plans. If a worry keeps returning, you can write it in your notebook from our eleventh lesson, together with one small next step, and close the notebook until the morning.

Finally, remember the habit from our last lesson: get up at your usual time in the morning, even after a night with a lot of waking. It is tempting to sleep late to make up for it, but a regular time to get up keeps the body clock steady and helps sleepiness build up again through the next day. One poor night is not a disaster; the body is good at catching up. If sleep problems last for weeks and affect your days, please talk to a doctor.

The Thirty-Minute Practice

Before we begin, prepare as usual: your sturdy chair on a non-slip floor, ideally with its back against a wall, your feet resting flat on the floor or on a folded blanket, comfortable clothes, soft light, and a glass of water nearby. Tonight's practice is our usual evening practice, so please do it in the hour before bed. As always, every movement goes only as far as is comfortable. If you feel pain, dizziness or shortness of breath at any time, stop, come out of the movement slowly and rest with your hands on your thighs, simply breathing.

Minutes 1 to 3: Arriving. Sit toward the front half of the seat with your feet flat and your knees about over your ankles. Feel the weight settle on your sitting bones. Let your spine grow long without becoming stiff, let your head balance on top, and let your shoulders soften. Rest your hands on your thighs. Let your eyes close, or look softly at the floor in front of you. Notice the chair under you and the floor under your feet. Let yourself arrive in this evening, just as it is.

Minutes 4 to 8: Breathing. Place one hand on your belly and the other on the side of your ribs. Breathe in through the nose and feel the hands move gently outward. Breathe out and feel them move back in. After a few breaths, begin to count: in for four, out for six, or in for three and out for five if that is easier. Keep the breath soft and never hold it. Tonight, as you breathe, imagine that you are lying in bed in the middle of the night, breathing in exactly this way. You are practising now the calm that you can use later. When the five minutes are nearly over, let the counting go and rest your hands on your thighs.

Minutes 9 to 20: Moving. We begin with the neck. Sitting tall, breathe out and slowly lower your chin a little toward your chest; breathe in and bring the head back up to the middle. Do this five times. Then turn your head slowly to the right as you breathe out, only as far as is comfortable, and come back to the middle as you breathe in; then turn to the left. Do this three times to each side. Last, let your right ear tilt toward your right shoulder without lifting the shoulder, stay for two slow breaths, and come back to the middle; then tilt to the left. Keep all of this slow, and never drop the head far back.

Next, the shoulders. Breathe in and lift both shoulders gently toward your ears; breathe out and let them drop down softly. Do this three times. Then roll the shoulders slowly, up, back, down and forward, in a smooth circle, five times. Then roll them the other way, five times. When you finish, rest your hands on your thighs and notice whether the shoulders feel a little lower and warmer.

Now the spine, with seated cat and cow. Place your hands on your knees. As you breathe in, let your chest move gently forward and up and let your back curve a little inward, keeping your gaze level. As you breathe out, round your back softly, let your chin move toward your chest and let your belly draw in a little. Move slowly between these two shapes for six breaths, then come back to sitting tall. Next, a seated side bend. Rest your left hand on the seat beside you, breathe in and lift your right arm, only as high as is comfortable, and as you breathe out lean a little to the left. Stay for two breaths, then come back to the middle slowly and lower the arm. Repeat on the other side.

Then a gentle twist. Sit tall, place your right hand on your left knee and rest your left hand on the seat beside you. Breathe in to grow long, and as you breathe out, turn slowly from the middle of your back toward the left, letting your head follow last. The hands only rest; they do not pull. Stay for three slow breaths, then come back to the middle as you breathe in. Change hands and turn to the right for three breaths, then come back to the middle.

Now the legs and feet. With both feet flat, lift your right knee a little way and lower it, then lift and lower the left, marching slowly for ten steps on each side. Then lift your right foot slightly off the floor, or keep the toes touching it, and draw five slow circles with the ankle in one direction and five in the other. Point the toes away from you and then draw them gently back toward you, five times. Lower the foot and repeat with the left. Last, straighten the right leg in front of you with the heel resting on the floor and the toes pointing up, and stay for three breaths; bend the knee to bring the foot back, and do the same with the left leg.

To finish the moving part, a gentle forward bend. Move your feet a little wider than your hips and rest your hands on your thighs. Breathe out and slowly let your upper body lean forward, sliding your hands down toward your knees or shins, only as far as is comfortable. Let your head hang gently and keep breathing. Stay for three breaths. To come up, place your hands on your thighs, breathe in, and roll up slowly, bringing your head up last. Sit for a moment and notice whether you feel at all dizzy; if you do, rest and breathe until it passes.

Minutes 21 to 27: Stillness. Shift back so that your back rests against the chair back. Rest your hands on your thighs and close your eyes. Tonight's stillness is a body scan, just like the one you might use in bed. Begin with the feet and spend a few breaths noticing them. Move to the lower legs, the knees and the thighs, then the hips and the place where you meet the seat. Then the belly, the chest and the back against the chair. Then the hands, the arms and the shoulders. Then the neck, the jaw, the eyes and the forehead. If your mind wanders, notice where it went and kindly bring it back to the part of the body you were visiting. When you reach the top of the head, simply sit and feel the whole body breathing.

Minutes 28 to 30: Closing. Let the breath become a little fuller. Gently move your fingers and toes. Open your eyes slowly and let them get used to the soft light. Tell yourself, silently or in a low voice, that if you wake in the night, you know what to do: leave the clock alone, breathe slowly and let the body rest. Then stand up slowly, using the chair for support if you need it, drink a little water if you like, turn off the lights and go to bed.

A Short Practice for the Middle of the Night

Here is the short night version that I mentioned at the start. Use it when you have been awake in bed for what feels like a long time and you feel restless. It takes only a few minutes and is smaller and quieter than the evening practice. Prepare for it in the evening: leave your chair where you can reach it safely in low light, keep the path to it clear, and place a small lamp and a warm layer beside it.

Getting up is the first part of the practice. Do not jump out of bed. Roll onto your side, push yourself up with your arms to sit on the edge of the bed, and sit there for three slow breaths before you stand. Standing up suddenly from lying down can make some people dizzy, especially at night. Then walk slowly to your chair, turn on only the small lamp, put on your warm layer and sit down with your feet flat on the floor and your hands resting on your thighs.

Begin with the breath. Let your eyes close or rest on the floor. Breathe in through the nose for a count of four and out for a count of six, or shorter, for about ten breaths. Then add the shoulders: on a breath in, lift them a little toward your ears, and on a breath out let them drop, three times; then roll them slowly backward three times. Then turn your head slowly to the right and back to the middle, then to the left and back, two times each side, as gently as if you did not want to wake anyone. If your legs feel stiff or restless, add a few slow ankle circles and point and flex each foot a few times.

Then sit back against the chair and do a very short body scan: feet, legs, hips, belly, chest, hands, arms, shoulders, face. Spend only one or two breaths in each place. If a thought comes, such as a plan for tomorrow, let it pass and return to the part of the body you were noticing. When you feel the first signs of sleepiness, such as heavy eyes, a yawn or a soft, heavy body, take off the warm layer if you like, turn off the lamp and walk slowly back to bed. If you do not feel sleepy after several minutes, that is fine too; you can sit quietly a little longer, or return to bed and simply rest with a slow breath.

A common question is, "What if I do this and still do not sleep?" Then you have still rested. Lying or sitting quietly with a slow breath and a calm mind is restful for the body, even when sleep does not come. Another common question is whether to do the night version every time you wake. The answer is no; for the many short wakings of an ordinary night, simply turn over, breathe slowly and stay in bed. Keep the night version for the longer, restless times. And if you share a bedroom, a chair in another room or in a quiet corner with a small lamp lets you do this practice without waking anyone.

Summary

Waking briefly in the night is a normal part of sleep. It often happens at the end of a sleep cycle, when sleep is light, and it may happen more often in the second half of the night and as we grow older.

How we respond to waking matters. Worry and calculations move the body toward its busy mode, while a calm response helps it stay in its resting mode.

When you wake, leave the clock alone, let the breath slow with a longer breath out, and try a short body scan in bed.

If you have been awake for a long time and feel restless, get up slowly, sit in your chair in dim light, do a few minutes of breathing and quiet movement, and return to bed when you feel sleepy.

Prepare for the night in the evening: the chair within reach, a clear path, a small lamp and a warm layer. Keep screens off at night, and get up at your usual time in the morning.

If sleep problems last for weeks and affect your days, please talk to a doctor.