Chapter 12: First Foods

From the Diary

Month 6. The first spoon. We had talked about this day for weeks, and in the end it lasted only a few minutes. Our daughter sat in her new high chair, very upright and very serious, and watched the spoon come towards her as if it were a strange animal. My husband filmed it. I put a tiny amount of smooth, mashed vegetable on the tip of the spoon and touched it to her lips. She opened her mouth, made the most surprised face I have ever seen, and pushed most of it back out with her tongue. Then she opened her mouth again. We laughed so much that she started laughing too, with orange food all over her chin.

Month 6, a week later. She has tried a few different soft foods now, one new food at a time, as the nurse suggested. Some she loves, and some make her shiver with disgust, which she shows very clearly. More food ends up on the floor, on the high chair, in her hair and on me than in her mouth. I have stopped wearing anything I like at dinner time. I still breastfeed her and she still has her bottles, and the nurse said that milk remains her main food for now, which made me feel lighter. I had been worried that she would not eat "enough". The nurse said that at this stage she is learning, not filling up.

Month 7. Today she gagged on a soft piece of food, coughed, went red, and then pushed it forward and carried on as if nothing had happened. I did not carry on as if nothing had happened. My heart was pounding for an hour. In the evening I read the nurse's page about the difference between gagging and choking again, and my husband and I booked places on a baby first aid course. I want to feel that I would know what to do. I also wrote in my notebook that she was sitting upright, that I was right next to her, and that she handled it herself. Both things are true: it was frightening, and she was safe.

Month 7, a sunny weekend. My mother came for lunch, and for the first time the three generations of us sat at one table and ate together. Our daughter banged her spoon, ate a little, threw a little, and laughed at her grandmother. In the middle of the meal I noticed that I was enjoying it. A few months ago I could not have imagined this: sitting at the table, feeling calm, laughing. I still have heavy days, and I still know whom to call on them. But today was a light day, and I want to remember it.

Around Six Months: Signs of Readiness

In the first months of life, breast milk, infant formula or both are a baby's whole diet. Solid food usually starts around six months. Health guides in many places give this as the usual time, because by then most babies are developing the skills they need to eat safely: sitting up, controlling the head, and moving food around in the mouth and swallowing it. Your baby's doctor or nurse will tell you what they advise for your baby, especially if your baby was born early or has particular health needs. If anyone suggests starting much earlier or much later, talk it through with the doctor or nurse first.

Babies often show you when they may be ready. Health workers commonly describe these signs: the baby can sit up with some support and hold the head steady; the baby watches you eat with great interest and may reach for your food; the baby can bring objects to the mouth; and the baby can move food to the back of the mouth and swallow it, instead of pushing it all out with the tongue. Many babies show these signs at around the same time, close to six months. A baby who wakes more at night or wants more milk is not necessarily ready for solid food; these changes have many causes and are common at many ages.

It is natural to feel excited, nervous or both. For many parents, the first spoon is a moment they have looked forward to for months, and it can also feel like a new responsibility at a time when life has only just become a little easier. You do not need to do it perfectly. Starting solid food is a slow process of learning that happens over months, and there are many good ways to go about it. The doctor or nurse who follows your baby can explain the advice that applies where you live and answer your questions before you begin.

First Tastes and Textures

The first foods are usually soft and simple: smooth or mashed vegetables, fruit, grains or other foods, prepared without added salt or sugar. Many parents begin with a small amount once a day, at a time when the baby is awake, content and neither very hungry nor very tired. Some families start with a spoon; others offer soft pieces of food that the baby can pick up and hold. Both ways can work, and many families mix them. Health guides explain which foods are suitable to start with and how to prepare them, and your baby's nurse can give you this information. Many guides also point out that, as the months go on, a baby needs a growing variety of foods, including foods that provide iron, because the body's own store of iron from before birth slowly runs down. You do not need to plan every meal in detail; offering different kinds of food over the weeks is enough, and the nurse can tell you which foods to include.

Over the following weeks and months, babies move from smooth food to thicker, mashed and lumpy textures, and then to soft pieces of food that they can hold and chew with their gums. This step to more textures matters, because it helps the baby learn to chew and to handle different kinds of food. It is normal for a baby to make faces, spit food out or refuse a new taste at first. Many babies need to try a new food again and again, on different days, before they accept it. A face of disgust is not always a "no"; often it simply means "this is new".

Milk remains very important through the whole first year. In the first months of solid food, meals are mostly about learning tastes and skills, and breast milk or infant formula still gives most of what the baby needs. As your baby eats more food, the amount of milk the baby takes slowly changes, and your doctor or nurse can explain what to expect. Whether your baby has breast milk, infant formula or both, keep feeding in the way that works for your family. Health guides also list a few foods and drinks that are not suitable for babies in the first year; ask your baby's nurse for this list.

When solid food begins, the nappies change as well. Stools often become thicker, change colour and smell stronger, and pieces of food may sometimes pass through almost unchanged. This is common and usually nothing to worry about. Some babies have harder stools for a while as their diet changes. If your baby seems uncomfortable, passes very hard stools, has blood in the stools, or has very loose stools again and again, talk to the doctor or nurse. Ask the nurse too about drinks: health workers can explain whether and when to offer small sips of water with meals where you live, and how to make it safe for a baby.

Babies are messy eaters, and mess is part of learning. Babies learn about food by touching it, squeezing it, dropping it and spreading it around, long before they learn to bring it neatly to the mouth. A bib, a cloth under the high chair and clothes you do not mind getting dirty make this easier to accept, as the mother in the diary discovered. Letting a baby explore food, and later hold the spoon, helps the baby become interested in eating and builds the skills for eating alone later on. Let your baby decide how much to eat: a baby who turns the head away, closes the mouth or pushes the spoon away is usually saying "enough for now".

Safe Eating, Choking and Allergies

Safe eating starts with how your baby sits. A baby should always eat sitting upright, in a high chair or on an adult's lap, and never while lying back, crawling or playing. Stay with your baby during every meal and snack, close enough to see and reach the baby at once. Never leave a baby alone while eating, not even for a moment to answer the door or the phone, and do not give food to a baby lying in a car seat or a pushchair while you travel. If the high chair has a harness, use it every time, and place the chair away from the edge of the table and away from hot food and hot drinks.

Gagging and choking are different, and knowing the difference can calm many fears. Gagging is common when babies start solid food. The baby may cough, splutter, push the tongue forward, make retching noises and go red in the face. This is a natural reflex that helps the baby move food forward, away from the airway, and most babies manage it by themselves, as the baby in the diary did. Choking is when the airway is blocked. A choking baby may be unable to cry, cough or make sounds, may struggle to breathe, and may turn blue or grey. Choking is an emergency: call the emergency number at once. A baby first aid course teaches parents what to do while help is on the way, and many parents find that taking one makes meals much less frightening.

Some foods carry a higher risk of choking because of their shape, size or texture. Health guides usually mention whole nuts, hard pieces of raw vegetable or fruit, small round foods such as whole grapes or cherry tomatoes, and foods that are hard, sticky or very chewy. These foods are kept away from babies or prepared in a safe way, for example by cutting small round foods into smaller pieces lengthways, or by cooking hard vegetables until they are soft. Ask your baby's nurse for the advice where you live, because health workers know which foods are common in your area and how to prepare them safely.

Clean and careful preparation also keeps first foods safe. Wash your hands before you prepare food or feed your baby, and keep spoons, bowls and the high chair tray clean. Cook food well when the health guides say it needs cooking, then let it cool. Food warmed up can be much hotter in the middle than at the edge, so stir it well and check the temperature before it goes near your baby's mouth. Ask the nurse or follow the health guides about how long cooked baby food can be kept and how to store it; when in doubt, it is safer to throw food away than to keep it.

Food allergies are a common worry for parents. An allergy happens when the body reacts strongly to a food. Before your baby starts solid food, ask the doctor or nurse about allergies, especially if your baby has eczema, which is very dry and itchy skin, or already has a known allergy, or if allergies run in your family. The doctor or nurse can tell you how and when to offer the foods that more often cause allergies, such as egg, peanut or milk products. The advice on this has changed over the years and may depend on your baby, so it is worth asking rather than guessing. Offering one new food at a time makes it easier to notice how your baby reacts.

Know the signs of a reaction. If your baby seems to react to a food in a mild way, such as red spots around the mouth or on the skin, stop offering that food and talk to your doctor or nurse before you offer it again. Sudden swelling of the face, lips, tongue or eyes, trouble breathing, wheezing or noisy breathing, repeated vomiting, or a baby who becomes pale, floppy or hard to wake after eating is an emergency: call the emergency number at once. Reactions like these are uncommon, but knowing the signs means that you can act quickly, without having to wonder in the moment what they mean.

Mealtimes, Pressure and Feelings

Mealtimes can become some of the warmest moments of the day. When your baby sits with you at the table, the baby watches how you eat, listens to the talk and feels part of the family. Eating together, even if the baby only has a few spoons while you eat your own meal, teaches more than any single food can. In the diary, the first spoon turned into shared laughter, and later a lunch with the baby's grandmother became a quiet celebration of how far the mother had come. Mealtimes do not need to be long or perfect to be shared time.

Many parents feel strong pressure around food. Advice comes from all sides, from health workers, family, friends, books and what you see online, and it does not always agree. Some parents worry that their baby eats too little or too much, that they started too early or too late, or that they are not making food "properly". Pictures of beautiful homemade baby meals can make an ordinary jar of baby food or a simple mashed vegetable feel like a failure. It is not a failure. Food that is safe, suitable for your baby's age and offered with patience is good food, whether you made it yourself or bought it.

Your feelings at the table matter, because babies notice them. If you feel tense, a meal can become a struggle for both of you. It can help to remember that, in the first months of solid food, the goal is learning, not amounts. Some days your baby will eat with joy, and on other days the baby will turn away after a couple of spoons. Both are normal. If you are worried about your baby's weight or growth, or if your baby seems to have trouble swallowing, often coughs or chokes on food, or refuses all solid food for a long time, ask the doctor or nurse. They can look at the whole picture, which tells much more than one difficult week.

Worry about choking or allergies can sometimes grow much bigger than the real risk, especially for parents who had anxiety earlier in the year. You might find yourself unable to relax during any meal, checking every piece of food many times, or avoiding new foods because of fear. A first aid course, clear information from the nurse and a calm plan can help a great deal. If the fear keeps returning, takes over mealtimes, or comes together with a low mood that has been there most days, for more than a couple of weeks, tell your doctor, midwife or nurse. You do not need to wait until things feel serious; talking early is always a good step.

Sharing the work of food also helps. Preparing small amounts of food, cleaning the high chair, washing bibs and sitting with the baby at meals are all tasks that a partner, if you have one, or someone close to you can take on. Taking turns at meals gives each adult the chance to enjoy the baby's discoveries, and the chance to rest. In the diary, the father filmed the first spoon and then took his own turns with the spoon; mealtimes became something the family did together, not one more task on one person's list.

A Checklist of Things to Prepare

A safe place to eat: a stable high chair with a harness, or a safe way for your baby to sit upright on an adult's lap, away from hot food and hot drinks.

Simple equipment: a few small, soft spoons, a bowl, some bibs and a cloth that can be wiped clean under the chair. Expensive equipment is not needed.

Your questions about allergies: before you start, ask the doctor or nurse about allergies and how to offer the foods that more often cause them, especially if your baby has eczema or allergies run in your family.

Two lists from the nurse: ask for the list of foods that are a choking risk and how to prepare them, and the list of foods and drinks that are not suitable in the first year. Keep both lists in the kitchen.

A plan for choking: learn the difference between gagging and choking, and if you have not yet taken a baby first aid course, book one. Keep the emergency number where every adult can see it from the table.

A food page in the health notebook: note each new food, the day you first offered it and how your baby reacted, so that you can share it with the doctor or nurse if needed.

A calm time of day for meals: choose a time when your baby is awake and content, and eat something yourself at the same table.

A kind reminder for yourself: write down one sentence, such as "Safe, suitable and patient is good enough." On days when the advice feels like too much, read it again.