Blossoms and Old Friends

A Letter Under Blossoms

"Did your letter reach her?" the innkeeper asked before the traveler had even put her bag down. The rain had moved on weeks ago, and the old pear tree beside the inn was white with blossom. Petals lay on the step under the lantern and stuck to the soles of her boots.

"It did, and she answered early this year, which she has never done before," the traveler said, and she patted the pocket where the reply lay folded.

Many people believe that a friend is someone you see every day: the neighbor over the fence, the colleague at the next desk, the person who knows what you ate for lunch. By that measure the traveler's friend, nine years away and reached only by paper, would hardly count as a friend at all.

Yet the proverbs of almost every land disagree with that belief. They speak of friends who are far away, of friends who are tested in bad times, and of old friends who are worth more than many new ones. Daily company is pleasant, they say, but friendship is measured by trust, by help and by the warmth that survives a long silence. The innkeeper said that his lantern was much the same. He did not watch it all night, yet he knew it was burning, and travelers on the hill knew it too.

He lit it while they talked. The flame caught at once, and a few loose petals drifted through its light and settled on the bench where the two of them sat.

The Companion Before the Road

The traveler began with a saying she had heard in many caravanserais and bus stations, in Arabic: "Al-rafiq qabla al-tariq", "the companion before the road". It means that before you set out on a journey you should choose who will walk beside you, because a good companion matters more than a good route.

From Irish she read a saying that carries the same warmth: "Giorraíonn beirt bóthar", "two people shorten the road". The road itself does not change, of course, but talk and shared bread make the miles pass faster. A hard climb with a friend becomes a story you tell later, while the same climb alone is only a climb.

The innkeeper said that he had seen this many times from his doorway. Guests who arrived in pairs often came in laughing, even when soaked, while those who came alone usually sat longer by the fire before they spoke.

Imagine that you are planning a long overland trip, and an acquaintance offers to join you for the first week. You are unsure, because you hardly know each other and you are used to traveling alone.

"Al-rafiq qabla al-tariq," your landlord says when you mention it. "Take a short walk together first, and you will know whether this is the right companion."

Later, on the first evening of the trip, you and your new companion sit on a wall after twelve miles of walking. "Giorraíonn beirt bóthar," you tell each other, half joking, and you both agree that the day went much faster than you expected.

Picnics Under Petals

While a few more petals fell, the traveler told the innkeeper about a spring custom that she had once joined. In Japanese it is called hanami, which means "flower viewing". When the cherry trees bloom, friends, families and coworkers spread sheets on the ground beneath them. They eat, drink tea, sing a little and sit together for hours under the blossom, and some groups send one person early in the morning to hold a good place for everyone.

What struck her was that people did not only go with their closest friends. They went with old classmates they saw once a year and with coworkers they hardly knew, and for one afternoon the blossom turned them all into friends. The flowers last only a week or so, she said, and that short life seems to make people want to share it.

The innkeeper looked up at his pear tree and said that next spring he would set a table beneath it for any guests who happened to pass. The traveler said she would try to arrive in time.

Older Friendships Weighed

The Russian saying "Staryi drug luchshe novykh dvukh" means "one old friend is better than two new ones". It does not say that new friends are bad. It simply weighs them honestly against the friend who has known you through many seasons. That friend remembers who you were before you became who you are, and so can understand you in a way no new friend can yet.

The traveler said that the friend she wrote to every spring was exactly such a friend. They had met as girls, quarrelled, made peace, lost touch for a while and found each other again. That history made a single page from her worth more than a whole evening of pleasant talk with strangers.

Imagine that you have met a cheerful group of travelers in a hostel and spent three wonderful days with them. Now an old school friend writes to say that she will be in the same region next week.

"Should I go off with the new group to the coast, or wait here for my old friend?" you ask the hostel owner over breakfast.

"Staryi drug luchshe novykh dvukh," he says. "The coast will still be there next year, but an old friend in the same valley is a rare thing."

Treasures and Rubles

Several sayings compare friends with money and find money poorer. In Russian there is "Ne imei sto rublei, a imei sto druzei", "do not have a hundred rubles, have a hundred friends". In Spanish people say "Quien tiene un amigo tiene un tesoro", "whoever has a friend has a treasure". In Italian, almost word for word, it is "Chi trova un amico trova un tesoro", "whoever finds a friend finds a treasure".

The Spanish and Italian forms differ by a single verb, having and finding, and the traveler liked that small difference. One speaks to people who already have a friend and should cherish them. The other speaks to those still looking, and promises that the search is worth it. The Russian saying is the most practical of the three. On the road, she said, a hundred friends will find you a bed, a meal and a lift, while a hundred coins may vanish in a single unlucky night.

Imagine that your wallet has been stolen on a crowded train, and a woman you met only yesterday in a café lends you enough money to reach the next town.

"I do not know how to thank you," you say to her at the station, "since we only met over a cup of coffee."

"Quien tiene un amigo tiene un tesoro," she answers. "Today you have one, so send me a postcard when you are home, and that will be thanks enough."

Help in Lean Times

The English saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed" has a twin in Swahili: "Akufaaye kwa dhiki ndiye rafiki", "the one who helps you in hardship is your true friend". Both say that friendship is tested not at a celebration but on the day the car breaks down, the money runs out or the news is bad.

The innkeeper remembered a winter when the snow closed all four roads for a fortnight. A man from the next farm had walked through the drifts every second day with bread and lamp oil. He had not been a close friend before that winter, the innkeeper said, but he had been one ever since.

Imagine that you have fallen ill in a small town far from home, and a fellow traveler you met only twice comes to the guesthouse with soup and medicine.

"You really did not have to come all this way," you say from under the blanket.

"Akufaaye kwa dhiki ndiye rafiki," she says, setting the bowl beside you. "Drink this while it is hot, and tell me tomorrow whether you need anything else."

Bitter Honest Words

From Turkish the traveler read a short saying that the innkeeper did not like at first: "Dost acı söyler", "a friend speaks bitter words". It means that a true friend will tell you the truth even when it tastes bitter, while a flatterer only says what you want to hear.

The innkeeper said he preferred sweet friends. The traveler laughed and reminded him that his own oldest friend had once told him his roof was about to fall in, a week before it did. He admitted that the bitter words had saved him a great deal of money and a wet bed.

Imagine that you have planned to cross a mountain pass alone in early spring, and a friend you trust tells you plainly that it is too dangerous so early in the year.

"Dost acı söyler," she adds, seeing your face fall. "I would rather spoil your plan tonight than lose you on that pass."

Friends on Foreign Roads

For travelers, the traveler said, one Chinese saying is almost a rule of life: "Zài jiā kào fùmǔ, chūmén kào péngyou", "at home you rely on your parents, and out in the world you rely on friends". It reminds anyone who leaves home that they will need friends on the road, and that they should be such a friend to others.

A Korean saying adds a lighter note: "Chingu ttara gangnam ganda", "following a friend, you go south of the river". The lands south of the river once meant a faraway place, and the saying describes how a friend can carry you along to places you would never have chosen alone. It can be used with a smile for any trip you took mainly because someone you liked was going.

Imagine that you are on a festival trip to a town you had never even heard of a month ago, and a fellow traveler on the train asks how you chose it.

"Honestly, my friend was coming, so I came too," you say, a little sheepishly.

"Chingu ttara gangnam ganda," the woman beside you says with a laugh. "That is how most of the best journeys begin."

Brothers by Choice

There is an Arabic saying that the traveler copied into her notebook on the very first page: "Rubba akhin laka lam talidhu ummuk", "many a brother of yours was not born to your mother". It says that some friends become family, not by birth but by years of loyalty and care.

She said she had found such brothers and sisters on many roads. There was a cook in a mountain village who still sent her dried apricots, and a ferryman who always kept a seat for her by the warm engine. The innkeeper was too modest to say it, but she meant him too, and she said so while she looked at the lantern rather than at him.

Imagine that you have returned after years to a guesthouse where you once spent a long winter. The owner meets you at the gate with open arms and calls you by your old nickname.

"You remembered me," you say, surprised and moved.

"Rubba akhin laka lam talidhu ummuk," he says. "How could I forget a brother?"

Clear Accounts Between Friends

Not every saying about friendship is tender. Some are practical, and the traveler thought them just as wise. In French people say "Les bons comptes font les bons amis", "good accounts make good friends". In Portuguese there is "Amigos, amigos, negócios à parte", "friends are friends, and business is kept apart". Both say that money handled carelessly can damage even a strong friendship, so it is kinder to be clear.

A Spanish saying looks at friendship from the other side: "Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres", "tell me who you walk with and I will tell you who you are". It reminds us that the friends we choose shape us, for better or worse, a little more each day we walk beside them.

Imagine that you have shared a rented car with two friends for a week, and on the last evening you sit down with the receipts.

"Let us just forget about it, it does not matter between friends," one of them says.

"Les bons comptes font les bons amis," you answer, pulling out a pen. "Ten minutes of sums tonight, and we will still be friends on the next trip."

Postcard in Two Languages

Here is a small thing to try. Next time you send a postcard to an old friend from the road, write on it one saying about friendship in the language of the place where you are, with its meaning underneath. Your friend gets both the picture and a piece of the place's wisdom. If you are not sure which saying to choose, ask the person who sells you the stamp. Most people are glad to be asked, and some will write it for you in their own hand.

The traveler said that her friend kept all such postcards in a box. Over the years they had become a small dictionary of friendship from many roads.

Warming the Old Bond

The last saying of the evening came from Japanese, and it was more a set phrase than a proverb: "Kyūkō o atatameru", "to warm up an old friendship". People use it when they meet a friend after a long time. A friendship, it suggests, does not die in the cold of distance. It cools a little and is warmed again by a meeting, a meal or a letter, the way a lamp is relit from a match kept dry in a pocket.

The innkeeper turned the lantern's wick up a little as if to show what the phrase meant, and the light on the pear blossom grew warmer.

"Do you miss her, all those years between letters?" he asked. "Or does a person who walks so many roads learn not to miss anyone?"

The traveler did not answer at once. She said that it was a question for a longer evening, and she tucked her friend's reply back into her pocket.

So the evening's sayings sat together under the blossom: the companion before the road, and two people shortening it; one old friend worth more than two new ones; a hundred friends rather than a hundred rubles, and a friend who is a treasure, whether you have one or find one; the friend in need and the one who helps in hardship; bitter words spoken by a friend; parents at home and friends on the road, and following a friend south of the river; brothers not born to your mother; good accounts and business kept apart; the people you walk with; and an old friendship warmed again.