Chapter 5: Willpower Is Not the Whole Story

The Evening Battle

Callum is thirty-three and works as an assistant in an accountancy office. He is studying for a professional qualification that will allow him to become a fully qualified accountant, with better pay and more responsibility. The course requires about an hour of study every evening. Callum knows that this is important for his future, and he wants to do it.

Every evening, Callum comes home from work at about half past six. He eats dinner, and then the battle begins. He knows he should open his books. But his games console is in the living room, his phone is on the table and his favourite series has a new episode waiting. He tells himself that he will study in ten minutes. Then in twenty. Then after one more episode. Most evenings, by the time he finally opens his books, it is late, he is tired and he studies for fifteen minutes before giving up.

Callum believes that his problem is a lack of willpower. He looks at colleagues who are studying for the same qualification and seem to manage it easily, and he concludes that they have more self-discipline than he does. He has tried to force himself to be stronger: setting stricter rules, making promises, feeling guilty when he fails. None of it has worked for long. He is beginning to wonder whether he is simply not the kind of person who can succeed.

One day, Callum asked one of those disciplined colleagues, a woman named Fernanda, how she managed to study every evening. Her answer surprised him. "I do not," she said. "I study at the library on my way home, before I get to my flat. If I went home first, I would never study. My sofa is far too comfortable." Fernanda was not using more willpower than Callum. She was using less, by arranging her life so that she rarely had to fight the temptation at all.

Callum's experience touches one of the most debated topics in modern psychology: willpower, or self-control. Many people believe that changing habits is mainly a matter of having enough of it. The science suggests a more complicated, and in some ways more hopeful, picture.

The Rise and Fall of a Popular Idea

Toward the end of the twentieth century, psychologists began publishing studies that seemed to show something striking about self-control. In a typical experiment, some volunteers were asked to resist a temptation, for example by eating plain vegetables while delicious biscuits sat in front of them. Others were allowed to eat the biscuits. Then all the volunteers were given a difficult puzzle. In several studies, those who had resisted the biscuits gave up on the puzzle sooner than those who had not.

Researchers interpreted these results as evidence that self-control is like a limited fuel, or like a muscle that gets tired with use. Resisting the biscuits used up some of the fuel, leaving less for the puzzle. This idea became known in the scientific literature as ego depletion, and it became very popular. It appeared in many books and articles, and it seemed to explain why people find it harder to resist temptations at the end of a long day. Some researchers went further and suggested that self-control depended on the sugar in the blood, and that a sugary drink could restore it.

But in the following years, the idea ran into serious trouble. When other researchers tried to repeat the original experiments, many of them did not find the same results. In particular, some large studies, carried out with the same methods in many different laboratories at once, found that the effect was much smaller than originally reported, or perhaps absent altogether. The idea that blood sugar fuels self-control also received little support from later research.

Today, scientists still debate what is happening. Some believe that a small depletion effect exists under certain conditions. Others believe that the original findings were mostly the result of chance and of the way studies were designed and published at the time. What is clear is that the simple picture of willpower as a tank of fuel that runs empty is not as solid as it once seemed. This is a good example of how science corrects itself over time, and of why it is wise to be cautious about popular claims based on a few early studies.

This does not mean that self-control is unimportant, or that tiredness has no effect on our behaviour. Being tired, stressed or short of sleep clearly makes many things harder, as we will see in Chapter 9. But it suggests that the reason Callum struggles in the evenings is probably not simply that his willpower tank is empty. Something else may be going on.

What People With Good Self-Control Actually Do

If willpower is not a simple fuel, how do some people seem to manage their behaviour so much better than others? Some interesting research has looked at this question by following people through their daily lives. In some of these studies, volunteers carried devices that asked them, several times a day, whether they were experiencing a temptation at that moment, how strong it was and whether they were resisting it.

Researchers expected that people who described themselves as having good self-control would report resisting temptations more often and more successfully. But some studies found something different. People with good self-control seemed to report fewer temptations in the first place. They were not winning more battles. They were fighting fewer of them (this is a summary of several studies, and the findings are still being explored).

One explanation is that people with good self-control arrange their lives to avoid temptations. Like Fernanda, they study at the library rather than at home. They do not keep biscuits in the house. They leave their phones in another room. They have built helpful habits, so that useful behaviours happen automatically, without needing a decision. In other words, their self-control works mainly in advance, through planning and habits, rather than in the moment, through effortful resistance.

This idea fits well with what we have learned about habits. In-the-moment resistance seems to rely on the deliberate system of the brain, which is slow and effortful and easily overwhelmed when we are tired or busy. Habits and well-designed surroundings rely on the automatic system, which runs reliably even when we are tired. Someone who depends mainly on in-the-moment willpower is always fighting uphill. Someone who arranges their life so that good behaviours are automatic and temptations are out of sight is walking on level ground.

This is a hopeful message. It suggests that people who struggle with self-control are not necessarily weaker than others. They may simply be relying on the wrong strategy: trying to win battles in the moment, rather than arranging their lives so that fewer battles happen. And that is something anyone can learn to change.

There is a useful way of picturing this. Imagine two people who both want to avoid eating sweets. The first keeps a jar of sweets on the kitchen table and resists it many times a day. The second does not buy sweets at all. At the end of the week, both have eaten no sweets. But the first person has fought dozens of small battles, each one tiring and each one a chance to lose. The second has fought only one, in the shop, and won it once. From the outside, the second person may look as if they have more willpower. In fact, they have simply used it more wisely.

Callum Moves the Battle

After his conversation with Fernanda, Callum decided to stop relying on willpower in the evenings, and to change his situation instead. He tried Fernanda's approach first, studying at the library on his way home. This worked well on most days. The library was quiet, there was no console or television and the other people studying created a sense of focus. He found that he could study for a full hour without much struggle.

On days when he could not go to the library, Callum changed his home environment. He moved the games console from the living room into a cupboard, so that playing required effort. He set his phone to block entertainment apps between seven and eight in the evening. He set up a small study table in a corner of his bedroom, with his books already open on it, so that starting required no preparation.

He also changed the order of his evening. Instead of eating dinner first and then trying to study, he studied for an hour as soon as he got home, then ate dinner and then relaxed. Dinner and relaxation became the reward for studying, rather than the temptation that prevented it. This made use of what we learned in Chapter 3 about immediate rewards.

Within a month, Callum was studying almost every evening. He did not feel that he had become a more disciplined person. If anything, he felt that he was using less willpower than before, because he no longer spent his evenings fighting himself. "I thought I needed to become stronger," he says. "Actually, I needed to stop putting myself in a fight I could not win. When the console is in the cupboard and my books are open on the table, studying is the easy choice."

Callum passed his first examination a few months later. He still struggles sometimes, especially when he is very tired. But he no longer believes that he lacks willpower. He believes that he has learned to arrange his life so that he needs less of it.

Thabo and the Gym Bag

Thabo is forty-seven and manages a team in a company that installs solar panels. He has wanted to exercise regularly for years. He joined a gym near his office and planned to go three times a week after work. But by the time he finished work, he was tired, and the idea of going home to collect his gym clothes, then driving back to the gym, felt like too much. Most weeks, he went once or not at all. He felt that he simply did not have the willpower.

Thabo's sister, who exercised regularly, asked him to describe exactly what happened on the days he did not go. As he described it, she pointed out how many small decisions and obstacles stood between him and the gym: remembering to go, deciding to go home, collecting his clothes, deciding to drive back, finding parking. Each step was a chance to change his mind. "You are not failing at willpower," she said. "You are failing at logistics."

Thabo decided to remove the obstacles. He packed a gym bag and kept it permanently in his car, refilling it after each visit. He set a reminder for the end of the working day on his three gym days. And he drove directly from work to the gym without going home. This turned a long chain of decisions into a single, simple one: drive to the gym instead of home.

Thabo began going to the gym three times a week, regularly. The difference, he says, was not that he became more motivated. It was that going became easier than not going. "When the bag is in the car and the gym is on the way, I just go," he says. "I do not have to win an argument with myself." Before starting a new exercise routine, it is sensible to ask a doctor or another qualified professional what is suitable for your health.

Thabo's story illustrates a key principle: the more steps and decisions stand between us and a behaviour, the less likely we are to do it, especially when we are tired. Reducing those steps can make a large difference, far larger than trying to summon more willpower. We will explore this principle further in the next chapter, on designing our surroundings.

Mirjam and the Shopping Trolley

Mirjam is thirty-one and works as a hairdresser. She would like to eat more healthily and spend less on food. But every week, when she goes to the supermarket, she comes home with things she had not planned to buy: snacks, sweets, ready meals. She feels frustrated with herself for not resisting, and she has tried to be stricter, but it rarely works.

When Mirjam thought about when her unplanned purchases happened, she noticed two patterns. First, she usually went shopping after work, when she was tired and hungry. Second, she usually did not have a list, so she walked through every aisle, seeing everything on offer. She realized that she was putting herself in exactly the situation where resisting temptation was hardest: hungry, tired and surrounded by attractive food.

Mirjam changed her approach. She began shopping on Saturday mornings, after breakfast, when she was rested and not hungry. She wrote a list at home, planning her meals for the week. In the supermarket, she followed the list and avoided the aisles with snacks and sweets, which she did not need to visit. On weeknights, she cooked from what she had bought, rather than stopping at the shop on her way home.

The change in her shopping was immediate. Without hunger and tiredness pushing her, and without walking past the snacks, Mirjam rarely bought things she had not planned. She was not using more willpower. She was simply avoiding the situations that demanded it. "I used to think I had no self-control in supermarkets," she says. "Now I think I was just shopping at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way."

Mirjam's story shows that self-control is often less about resisting temptation and more about choosing when and where to face it. Shopping hungry, tired and without a plan is like trying to swim against a strong river. Shopping rested, fed and with a list is like letting the river carry you.

Mirjam also noticed a change in how she felt about herself. For years, every unplanned purchase had felt like a small proof of weakness, and she had carried a quiet sense of failure about food. Once she saw that the problem was the situation rather than her character, that feeling eased. She still buys a treat sometimes, but now it is a choice she makes on purpose, often on the list, rather than something that happens to her at the end of a tiring day.

Ollie and the Phone in the Kitchen

Ollie is sixteen and has a habit of using his phone late into the night. He knows he should sleep, because he has school the next day, and he often feels exhausted in the mornings. Every night, he tells himself that he will put the phone down at eleven. But he usually keeps scrolling until after midnight, sometimes much later.

Ollie's parents had tried rules and arguments, but they mostly led to conflict. Then his mother suggested an experiment: for two weeks, all the family's phones, including hers and his father's, would be charged overnight in the kitchen, not in the bedrooms. Ollie was reluctant, but because everyone was doing it, it felt fair, and he agreed.

With the phone in the kitchen, the late-night battle disappeared. Ollie did not need to resist the temptation to keep scrolling, because the phone was not there. He read a book in bed instead, or simply fell asleep. Within a week, he was sleeping much better and feeling less tired in the mornings. At the end of the two weeks, he decided to keep the arrangement, although he negotiated to keep his phone until half past ten.

"I thought I just needed more self-discipline," Ollie says. "But it is impossible to stop scrolling when the phone is right there. When it is in the kitchen, there is nothing to stop." His story shows that the principle of avoiding temptation rather than resisting it works at any age. It also shows the value of doing such things together, as a family, rather than imposing rules on one person.

Young people's sleep is especially important for their health, mood and learning. Phones and screens late at night are a common challenge for many families. Approaches that change the situation, such as charging phones outside bedrooms, are often more effective and less stressful than relying on willpower or constant reminders.

Practical Steps: Using Willpower Wisely

The first step is to stop blaming yourself for weak willpower. If you have struggled to change a habit, it is probably not because you are a weak person. It is more likely that you have been relying on in-the-moment resistance in situations that make resistance very hard. This is a common pattern, not a personal failing.

The second step is to identify your battles. Think about the habit you want to change, and notice the moments when you have to resist temptation. When and where do they happen? What makes them hard? These moments are your battlegrounds.

The third step is to avoid battles where you can. For each battleground, ask whether you could avoid it altogether. Could you study somewhere else, like Callum? Shop at a different time, like Mirjam? Keep the temptation in another room, like Ollie? Avoiding a battle is almost always easier than winning it.

The fourth step is to reduce the steps toward good behaviours. Like Thabo with his gym bag, look at the steps between you and the behaviour you want, and remove as many as you can. The fewer decisions you need to make, the more likely you are to follow through, especially when tired.

The fifth step is to save willpower for when it is really needed. There will always be some moments that require effortful self-control. By arranging your life so that most good behaviours are automatic and most temptations are out of sight, you leave your attention and energy available for those moments.

The sixth step is to be kind to yourself when you are tired. Tiredness, stress and lack of sleep do make self-control harder, whatever the truth about ego depletion. On such days, rely even more on your habits and your environment, and do not expect yourself to win difficult battles by force.

Willpower Still Matters, and Circumstances Matter Too

It would be a mistake to conclude from this chapter that willpower does not matter at all. There are moments in life when we must make an effortful choice against a strong temptation, and our ability to do so is valuable. The point is not that self-control is useless, but that it works best as one tool among many, and that it is often more effective when used in advance, to plan and arrange, rather than only in the moment, to resist.

It is also important to recognize that some people face many more temptations and obstacles than others, through no fault of their own. A person working long shifts, living in a small space, caring for children alone or living in an area where healthy food is hard to find may find it much harder to arrange their life in the ways described in this chapter. Their struggles are not a sign of weak character. They may reflect real difficulties in their circumstances. Being fair to ourselves and to others means recognizing this.

Finally, the debate about ego depletion is a reminder to treat confident claims about the brain with some caution. Science changes as new evidence appears. Ideas that seem solid in one decade may be questioned in the next. This does not mean that science is unreliable. It means that it is honest about correcting itself. As readers, we can benefit from that honesty by holding popular claims lightly and paying attention to how strong the evidence really is.

A Short Exercise: Mapping Your Battles

This exercise helps you find the moments when you rely on willpower, and look for ways to avoid needing it. It takes about fifteen minutes.

Choose a habit you are trying to change or build. At the top of a page, write it down. Then think back over the past week, and list every moment when you had to resist a temptation or push yourself to do something related to this habit. For each moment, write where you were, what time it was, how you felt and whether you succeeded.

Look at the list. Are there patterns? Do the hardest moments happen at particular times, in particular places or when you feel a particular way, such as tired or hungry? Circle the moments where you most often failed.

For each circled moment, ask three questions. Could I avoid this situation entirely? Could I change the situation so that the temptation is out of sight or harder to reach? Could I reduce the steps toward the behaviour I want? Write one idea for each circled moment.

Choose the idea that seems easiest and most likely to help, and try it for a week. Then look at your list again and notice whether the battles have become fewer. When Callum did this exercise, almost every circled moment was "at home, after dinner, tired, near the console". His idea was "study before going home". It changed his evenings more than any amount of willpower ever had.

Chapter Summary

A popular idea, known as ego depletion, held that self-control is like a limited fuel that is used up by resisting temptation. Early studies seemed to support it, but later attempts to repeat them, including large studies across many laboratories, found much smaller effects or none, and the idea that blood sugar fuels self-control received little support; scientists still debate the question. Some studies that followed people through their days suggested that those with good self-control may face fewer temptations, perhaps because they arrange their lives to avoid them and rely on helpful habits.

Callum and his evening studies, Thabo and his gym bag, Mirjam and her shopping trolley and Ollie with his phone in the kitchen all found that avoiding battles, reducing steps and changing their situations worked far better than trying to summon more willpower. Willpower still matters, especially when used in advance to plan, and real differences in circumstances can make some lives much harder than others. Being cautious about confident claims is wise, because science corrects itself over time.

In the next chapter, we will look more closely at one of the most useful tools for working with habits without relying on willpower: designing the rooms and spaces we live in.