Closing Words

When I began reading about the science of habits, I hoped to find a secret: one simple key that would make change easy. I did not find one. What I found instead was more interesting. I found a picture of a brain that is constantly learning, that builds habits to save its limited attention, that responds to cues and rewards in predictable ways and that remains able to change at every age. I found that many popular ideas about habits were wrong, and that the truth was often more hopeful than the myths.

Perhaps the most important thing I learned is that struggling with habits is not a sign of weakness. Our brains are built to repeat what we have repeated, to follow familiar cues and to pull us toward immediate rewards. When a new habit is hard to build, or an old one hard to break, it is usually because the brain is working in exactly the way brains normally work. Understanding this can replace self-blame with curiosity, and curiosity is a much better starting point for change.

The people in this book did not change their lives through heroic willpower. They changed small things: where they kept their phone, what was on the arm of the sofa, when they did a task, who they did it with, how they spoke to themselves after a slip. These small changes, repeated over weeks and months, added up to days that felt more like their own.

If you take one thing from this book, let it be this: work with your brain, not against it. Change the cues, make the good easy, start small, give it time, sleep well, find company and be kind to yourself when you slip. Your days are built from habits, and habits can be built.

About the Science in This Book

This book draws on research from psychology, neuroscience and related fields, described in general terms. It does not name individual researchers, and it describes studies by their general design rather than by their titles. Where numbers are given, they are general and well known. Where the evidence is strong, the book says so. Where it is mixed or still debated, the book says that too.

Some of the main ideas and their strength, as described in this book, are these. That habits are learned links between situations and responses, built by repetition and reward, is well established. That the basal ganglia are central in habit learning, and the prefrontal cortex in deliberate control, is well supported, though the details are complex. That dopamine is involved in prediction, learning about rewards and motivation, rather than simply in pleasure, is widely accepted. That habit formation usually takes much longer than twenty-one days, about 66 days on average in one often-cited study, with a range from about 18 to about 254 days, is supported by research, while the twenty-one-day rule is a myth. That willpower works like a limited fuel was suggested by early studies but is now seriously doubted after large replication efforts, and is still debated. That if-then plans help people act on their intentions is supported by many studies. That the marshmallow test predicts later life strongly has been revised by later research. That the brain can change throughout life is well established.

Science changes as new evidence appears. Some of what is described in this book may be refined or revised in future. Readers who wish to learn more may find it useful to look for overviews written for general readers by people who study these topics, and to pay attention to how strong the evidence behind any claim really is.

The Tools of This Book in One Place

Each chapter of this book offers one main tool. Here they are together, so that you can return to them quickly.

Chapter 1: Notice what runs on autopilot.

Chapter 2: Find the cues behind a habit.

Chapter 3: Find the real reward, and offer a substitute.

Chapter 4: Give a habit months, not days, and do not demand perfection.

Chapter 5: Avoid battles instead of trying to win them.

Chapter 6: Make the good easy and the unhelpful a little harder.

Chapter 7: Decide in advance: if this happens, then I will do that.

Chapter 8: Replace a habit rather than fighting it.

Chapter 9: Protect sleep and reduce stress where you can.

Chapter 10: Hide the marshmallow, distract yourself and keep your promises.

Chapter 11: Start smaller than seems necessary.

Chapter 12: Change habits together with others.

Chapter 13: Treat a slip as a pause, not an ending.

Chapter 14: Use life's changes as windows; it is never too late.

Chapter 15: Choose habits that serve what matters most to you, one at a time.

Using This Book With Others

Habits are often easier to change together, as Chapter 12 explains. You might read this book with a friend, a partner, a family member or a small group, one chapter at a time, and try the exercises together. If you do, it can help to agree on a few simple rules. Speak about your own habits, not other people's. Keep what others share private. Encourage each other kindly, especially after slips.

A simple way to work together is for each person to choose one habit, make a plan using the final chapter's exercise and meet briefly once a week to share how it is going. Hearing that others also struggle and slip can be very reassuring, and celebrating each other's small successes can help everyone keep going.

Families can use some of the ideas together too: designing the home so that helpful habits are easy, building shared routines such as meals without phones and creating bedtime routines with children. The most lasting family habits are usually those that everyone helps to create, including the adults.

About the Author

The author became interested in the science of habits after many years of making resolutions and breaking them, and of wondering why some changes lasted while others faded within weeks. Reading what researchers had actually found, as opposed to what popular advice claimed, was a revelation. This book was written in the hope of sharing that knowledge clearly and honestly, with all its uncertainties, so that other people might work with their brains rather than against them.

A Note on Care

If you want to change habits related to your health, please talk to a doctor or another qualified professional about what is safe and suitable for you.

Addictions and compulsive behaviours are different from ordinary habits and deserve professional support. If you feel that a pattern of behaviour is controlling your life or harming you or others, please seek help. If you ever feel that you might hurt yourself, or if you are in danger, contact a helpline or a medical facility right away. In immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

The people in the examples of this book are imagined. Their situations are common ones, but their names and lives are invented, and any resemblance to real people is not intended.