Chapter 14: Never Too Late: Habits Across a Lifetime

"I Am Too Old to Learn"

Ludmila is seventy-four and has lived in the same town all her life. She worked for forty years as a seamstress, raised three children and now has five grandchildren. She has always been active and capable. But there is one thing she has never learned to do: swim. As a child, she was frightened of water, and as an adult, she was always too busy. Now her grandchildren love going to the swimming pool, and Ludmila sits on the side, watching.

Her granddaughter, who is twelve, has been asking her for months to learn. "You could come in with us, Grandma," she says. "They have lessons for adults." Ludmila always says the same thing: "I am too old to learn. My brain is too fixed. Old people cannot learn new things." She laughs when she says it, but she half believes it. She has heard many times that the brain stops changing after a certain age, and that older people cannot form new habits or learn new skills.

One afternoon, at the pool, Ludmila noticed a woman of about her own age in the shallow end, taking a lesson with an instructor. The woman was clearly a beginner. She held onto a float, kicked her legs and laughed when she splashed herself. After the lesson, Ludmila could not resist going over to talk to her. The woman, whose name was Agnes, said she had started three months earlier, at the age of seventy-six, and that she could now swim a short distance on her own. "It took a while," Agnes said. "But my body learned. It is never too late."

That evening, Ludmila thought about what Agnes had said. Was it true that her brain could still learn? Was the idea that older people cannot change simply a myth? She decided to find out more. And, after a long conversation with her granddaughter, she signed up for a beginners' lesson the following week.

Ludmila's question is one that many people ask, at many ages. Is it too late to change? Can habits formed over decades be altered? Can an older brain learn new skills and build new routines? This chapter looks at what brain science says about habits and learning across a lifetime, and why the answer is more hopeful than many people believe.

The Changing Brain

For much of the twentieth century, many scientists believed that the adult brain was largely fixed. The brain was thought to develop rapidly in childhood and then to settle into a stable form, after which it could only decline. This view has changed greatly. Research over the past several decades has shown that the brain remains able to change throughout life, a property scientists call plasticity.

Plasticity means that the brain's connections can strengthen, weaken and reorganize in response to experience. When we learn something new and practise it, the connections involved in that learning tend to become stronger. When we stop using certain abilities, the connections involved may weaken. In some cases, new nerve cells may also be formed in certain brain areas in adults, though how much this happens in humans, and what role it plays, is still debated among scientists.

Some studies have tracked changes in the brain while adults learned a new skill. In some of these studies, adults who learned a new skill over several months, such as juggling, showed measurable changes in the structure of brain areas involved in that skill, compared with people who did not learn it. Some studies included older volunteers, and their brains also showed changes, though these changes are complex and their meaning is still being explored. Findings like these support the broader conclusion that the adult brain can change with learning, at many ages.

This does not mean that age makes no difference. Research suggests that some kinds of learning become slower with age, and that older adults may need more practice to reach the same level as younger ones in some tasks. Some abilities, such as processing speed, tend to decline on average as people grow older. But other abilities, such as knowledge and vocabulary, often remain strong or even improve. And older adults bring something that younger learners lack: a lifetime of experience, which can help them understand, organize and apply new learning.

For habits, the message is encouraging. The brain systems involved in forming habits continue to work throughout life. Older adults can build new habits and change old ones, though it may take patience and practice. The old saying that older people cannot learn new things may describe how people sometimes feel, but it does not describe how the brain actually works.

Life Transitions as Windows

If the brain can change at any age, are some times better than others for changing habits? Research suggests that major life transitions may be especially good opportunities. In Chapter 2, we met the idea of habit discontinuity: when our context changes, the cues that trigger our habits are disrupted, and old habits may weaken, opening a window for new ones.

Many of life's major transitions involve exactly this kind of change: starting school, moving out of a family home, starting university or a first job, moving house, having a child, changing career, retiring, losing a partner. Each of these brings new places, new routines and new people, and each disrupts old cues. Some studies have found that people who had recently moved home were more likely to change long-standing habits, such as how they travelled to work, especially when they were encouraged to think about the change at the time.

Transitions can work in both directions. They can be opportunities to drop unhelpful habits and build helpful ones. But they can also be times when helpful habits are lost, because the cues that supported them disappear. A person who walked to work every day may stop walking after moving to a house far from their workplace. A person who exercised with colleagues may stop after retiring. Being aware of this can help us protect the habits we value during transitions, as well as use the opportunity to build new ones.

Childhood and adolescence are particularly important periods for habit formation, because many routines are established for the first time. Habits formed in childhood around sleep, food, movement and daily routines can last for many years, though they can also change later. Families play a large role in shaping these habits, through the routines they share, the environments they create and the examples they set. But even habits formed in childhood are not fixed forever.

Later life brings its own transitions, and with them, opportunities. Retirement in particular can be a major change in daily structure. For some people, it brings a loss of routines that gave their days shape, as we saw with Rufus in Chapter 1. For others, it brings the time and freedom to build habits they never had time for before. Planning for this transition, thinking about which habits to keep and which to build, can help make it a positive change.

Ludmila Learns to Swim

Ludmila's first swimming lesson was difficult. She was nervous getting into the water, and she held tightly to the side of the pool. The instructor, a patient young man, did not rush her. He showed her how to float on her back with a foam support under her head, and how to kick her legs gently. By the end of the lesson, she had let go of the side for a few seconds. She went home exhausted and proud.

Ludmila went to a lesson every week, and on another day she practised in the shallow end with her granddaughter. Progress was slow. Some weeks, she felt that she was not improving at all. But she kept going. After two months, she could float without any support. After four months, she could swim a few strokes on her own. After six months, she could swim the width of the pool. Her granddaughter cheered every time.

Ludmila noticed something about the process. In the early weeks, she had to think about every movement: how to move her arms, when to breathe, how to kick. It was exhausting. But gradually, as we saw with Élodie learning to drive in Chapter 1, the movements became more automatic. She no longer had to think about each one. Her body seemed to know what to do. "It is like sewing," she says. "When I started, I had to think about every stitch. After a few years, my hands just did it. Swimming is the same, only slower."

Swimming also became a habit in a broader sense. Going to the pool twice a week became part of Ludmila's routine, triggered by the days of the week and supported by her granddaughter's company. She noticed that she felt more energetic and slept better. She had also made new friends among the other older swimmers, including Agnes.

"I was sure I was too old," Ludmila says. "I said it so many times that I believed it. But my brain could still learn. It just needed time and patience, and a good teacher." Ludmila's story shows that learning a new skill and building a new habit is possible at seventy-four, and that the main obstacles are often not in the brain but in the belief that change is impossible. It is wise for older adults starting a new physical activity to check with their doctor about what is suitable, as Ludmila did.

Jonah and the Bedtime Routine

Jonah is eight. His bedtimes have always been chaotic. Some nights he goes to bed at eight, others at ten. He watches videos on a tablet until he falls asleep. He often wakes tired and grumpy, and his teachers say he finds it hard to concentrate in the mornings. His father, Ignatius, who is raising Jonah on his own while working as a bus mechanic, feels guilty. He is often too tired himself to keep a firm routine.

Ignatius talked with the school nurse, who suggested that children often benefit from a consistent bedtime routine, the same steps in the same order each evening, which can help them wind down and fall asleep more easily. She explained that habits formed in childhood can last a long time, and that a good bedtime routine now could help Jonah for years to come. She suggested that Ignatius involve Jonah in creating the routine, so that it felt like his own.

Together, Ignatius and Jonah designed a routine. At half past seven, the tablet went into a box in the kitchen. Then Jonah had a bath, brushed his teeth, put on his pyjamas and chose a book. Ignatius read to him for fifteen minutes, and then the light went off at eight. They drew the steps as simple pictures on a chart and stuck it on Jonah's bedroom door. Jonah enjoyed ticking off each step.

The first week was hard. Jonah protested about the tablet, and some evenings Ignatius was too tired and let the routine slip. But they kept going, and by the third week, the routine had begun to feel normal. Jonah started to move through the steps by himself, looking at the pictures. He fell asleep more easily and woke up in a better mood. His teacher noticed that he seemed more focused in the mornings.

"I thought routines were for families with more time," Ignatius says. "But once it is a habit, it actually saves time. Jonah just does it, and I get my evenings back." Jonah's story shows how habits formed in childhood, with the help of the adults around them, can shape daily life. It also shows that children can be active partners in building their own habits. If a child's sleep problems continue despite a consistent routine, it is wise to talk with a doctor or another qualified professional.

Sienna Starts University

Sienna is nineteen and has just moved away from home to start university. At home, her days were shaped by her family's routines: meals at fixed times, school in the morning, homework in the evening and her mother reminding her to sleep. Now, for the first time, she is responsible for her own days. In her first weeks, she found herself staying up very late, skipping breakfast, eating irregularly and studying at random times.

Sienna's experience is very common for young people starting university or leaving home. The transition removes the cues and routines that structured their lives, and it is easy for unhelpful habits to fill the gap. But a tutor at her university, who ran a welcome session for new students, pointed out that this transition was also an opportunity. "Your old routines are gone," she said. "That means you get to design new ones. Habits you build in these first months may stay with you for years."

Sienna thought about this. She decided to choose a few habits to build deliberately in her first term. She set a regular time to get up on weekdays and ate breakfast in the university canteen with a friend from her corridor. She chose a particular desk in the library for studying in the afternoons. She joined a swimming club that met twice a week. And she set an alarm on her phone for eleven at night, as a cue to start getting ready for bed.

Not every habit stuck. She often missed the swimming club in busy weeks. But the breakfast habit, the library desk and the bedtime alarm became regular parts of her life. By the end of the first year, she felt that she had built a routine that worked for her, rather than one imposed by others. "At home, my routines were my family's," she says. "At university, I got to make my own. It felt strange at first, but it was a chance I would not have had otherwise."

Sienna's story shows how a major life transition can be a window for building new habits, if we notice it and use it deliberately. It also shows that, during transitions, it can help to focus on a few key habits, such as sleep, meals and a place for work, which support everything else.

Hartmut and the Empty Days

Hartmut is sixty-six and retired six months ago after thirty-eight years as an engineer in a company that made trains. His working life had a clear structure: up at six, at work by half past seven, meetings and projects, home by six. He had always looked forward to retirement. But when it came, he found the days strangely empty. Without the structure of work, he drifted. He woke later and later, watched too much television and felt restless and low.

Hartmut's experience is common among people who retire. Work provides many cues and routines, often without our realizing how much. When it ends, those cues disappear, and it can take time and effort to build new ones. Hartmut's daughter, noticing his low mood, suggested that he think about retirement as a new beginning, with new habits to build, rather than simply the end of work.

Hartmut decided to treat his retirement as a project. He made a simple weekly plan. On Monday and Thursday mornings, he volunteered at a local repair workshop, where people brought broken bicycles, toasters and other items to be fixed. On Tuesday, he walked with a group of other retired people. On Wednesday, he spent the morning with his grandchildren. He also kept a regular time for getting up, at half past seven, so that his days had a clear start.

Within a few months, Hartmut's days had a new shape. The repair workshop, in particular, gave him a sense of purpose and used his engineering skills. He made new friends. His mood improved, and he slept better. "I thought retirement would be a long holiday," he says. "But a holiday without end is not restful. It is empty. I needed new routines to give the days a shape."

Hartmut's story shows that transitions in later life can be windows for new habits, and that building new routines deliberately can make a large difference to wellbeing. If low mood after retirement or another life change is heavy and lasting, it is wise to talk with a doctor or another qualified professional, as well as building new routines and connections.

Practical Steps: Changing at Any Age

The first step is to question the belief that it is too late. If you have told yourself that you are too old to change, notice that belief, and remember what research suggests about the brain's ability to change throughout life. Learning may take longer, but it is possible. The belief that change is impossible is often a larger obstacle than age itself.

The second step is to be patient with slower learning. If you are older, you may need more practice to build a new skill or habit than a younger person would. Expect this, and do not be discouraged by it. Ludmila took six months to swim the width of the pool. That was not failure. It was learning at her own pace.

The third step is to notice transitions in your life. When you are going through a major change, such as moving, starting a new job, having a child, retiring or losing someone, notice that your old cues and routines may be disrupted. This can be an opportunity to build new habits, and a time to protect the habits you value.

The fourth step is to design new routines deliberately during transitions. Like Sienna and Hartmut, choose a few key habits to build: regular times for getting up and going to bed, regular meals, a place for work or study, regular contact with other people, some physical activity. These can give structure to a period of change.

The fifth step is to help others build habits at their stage of life. Parents can help children build routines, as Ignatius did with Jonah. Grandchildren can encourage grandparents, as Ludmila's granddaughter did. Friends can support each other through transitions. Habits across a lifetime are often built together.

The sixth step is to use your experience. Older learners bring a lifetime of knowledge and skills. Ludmila compared swimming to sewing. Hartmut used his engineering skills at the repair workshop. Connecting new habits to what you already know can make them easier to learn and more satisfying.

Brain Training and Other Promises

Because of the growing awareness of the brain's plasticity, many products promise to improve brain function, especially for older people, through puzzles, games and exercises on computers or phones. It is honest to say that the evidence for these products is mixed. Studies have often found that people get better at the specific games they practise, but there is much less evidence that this improvement spreads to everyday abilities or protects against decline. Claims that particular games will make you smarter or prevent memory problems should be treated with caution.

On the other hand, there is broader evidence that staying physically active, socially connected and mentally engaged in meaningful activities is associated with better wellbeing and brain health as people age, although cause and effect are hard to separate in such research. Activities like Ludmila's swimming, Hartmut's repair workshop and Leontine's birdwatching in Chapter 11 combine several of these elements: movement, learning, social contact and purpose.

Finally, it is important to say that some changes in later life, such as memory problems that are worse than usual for a person's age, may be signs of health conditions that need medical attention. If you or someone you know is worried about memory, thinking or behaviour, please talk to a doctor or another qualified professional. Early advice can make a real difference.

A Short Exercise: Your Transition Window

This exercise helps you use a current or upcoming change in your life as a window for building habits. It takes about twenty minutes. If you are not going through a major transition now, you can do it for a smaller change, such as the start of a new season or a change in your work schedule.

At the top of a page, write the transition you are going through or expect: moving, a new job, a new baby, starting study, retirement, a change in health or anything else that will change your daily routines. Below it, make two columns. In the first, write "Habits I want to protect": habits you value that might be disrupted by the change. In the second, write "Habits I want to build": habits you would like to start in your new situation.

For each habit you want to protect, write one way you could keep it going in the new context, perhaps with a new cue. For each habit you want to build, write a specific if-then plan linked to a cue in your new routine. Choose no more than two or three habits to build at first.

Finally, write one sentence about your beliefs regarding change at your stage of life. If you have ever told yourself "I am too old" or "it is too late", write down a more accurate and hopeful sentence. For example: "My brain can still learn. It may take longer, and that is fine."

Keep the page and look at it every few weeks during the transition. Hartmut did this exercise in his first month of retirement. In the "protect" column, he wrote "getting up at a regular time" and "being useful". In the "build" column, he wrote "volunteering", "walking with others" and "time with grandchildren". His sentence about change was: "I spent thirty-eight years learning new things at work. I can learn new things now." His weekly plan grew from that page.

Chapter Summary

Research over recent decades has shown that the brain remains able to change throughout life, a property called plasticity. Some studies have found measurable brain changes in adults, including older volunteers, who learned new skills over months, though such findings are complex. Some kinds of learning become slower with age, while knowledge and experience often remain strong. Major life transitions, such as moving home, starting university, having a child or retiring, disrupt old cues and can be windows for building new habits, as well as times when valued habits may be lost.

Ludmila learning to swim at seventy-four, Jonah and his father building a bedtime routine, Sienna starting university and Hartmut finding shape in his retirement all show that habits can be built and changed at any age, especially when transitions are noticed and used deliberately. Claims about brain training products should be treated with caution, while active, social and meaningful lives are associated with wellbeing. Concerns about memory or thinking deserve a conversation with a doctor.

The last chapter gathers the ideas of this book together and looks at how to build days that you actually want to live in.